The saying, “all publicity is good publicity,” may not be entirely accurate.
Today someone came across some unpleasant feedback that was written about me. Without really knowing me this person formed their own negative opinion of me.
I believe that they judged me too harshly.
Here’s what happened:
I recently offered to guest post on a blog. The author of the blog accepted my offer and I submitted my post for review. He told me that it would be published today. When I didn’t see it published I contacted the author of the blog to ask when it would be published.
I was shocked and hurt by his reply that stated he could not publish my post, because he had come across some unpleasant things written about me.
These things that were written date back 3-5 years ago. (2005-2007) He pointed out that he would not publish my guest post until I cleared up my actions with everyone on the internet.
The author of the blog never asked to hear my side of the story. He just judged me base on something negative he had read online about me.
I’m not the first blogger or administrator of a website to receive some bad press online.
Today I was reminded of some advice that Brian of BlogEngage.com gave to me. He said that he has made some big mistakes so far in his social career. Some say bad things about him while others say nice things. He doesn’t think he can turn the situation around or fix the broken relationships. He went on to say that we cannot allow this to stop what we are meant to do in life and that’s build more relationships. Brian offers some helpful advice.
I’ll continue to guest post when asked and if the author of the blog wants to publish my article, because I have something of value to be learned from then that is great.
But, I can not make ex-members who I have had to ban for violating terms suddenly write glorious reviews about me. I can not get Google to remove bad press about me from their search.
I can not make someone remove unpleasant things written about me from their blog.
Some relationship simply cannot be fixed.
Anyone who may be reading this I ask you to give me a chance. Get to know me.
Please don’t form a negative opinion based on what someone else says about me.
This has all reminded me of a post I wrote in 2006, entitled “ Bullying and Harassment – Vendetta and Vindictive – Enough.”
Please take a second to read it.
If you’re wondering how to manage your reputation online, Tamar Weinberg, Lifehacker’s weekend contributor offer some advice on “Managing Your Online Reputation.”
Google also has some advice on managing your reputation through search results.
Your thoughts? Have you ever dealt with negative publicity? How did you handle the situation?
Have you ever formed a negative opinion about someone and then later discovered that you were probably too harsh. ( I know I have.)
No accurate thinker will judge another person by that which the other person’s enemies say about him. – Napoleon Hill
I like the above quote. It reminds us not to form a negative opinion of someone based merely on what their enemy says about them.
Rose DesRochersRose wears many hats. She's a wife, mother, respite worker, proud shih-tzu owner, blogger, published poet, freelance writer, as well as the owner and administrator of Today's Writing Community and Blogger Talk Blog Community. Feel free to contact her with any questions you may have.Rose DesRochers has 1216 post(s) at Rose DesRochers – World Outside My Window
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36 responses so far ↓
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 12:54 am
It’s childish and silly to think that everyone’s online persona is squeaky clean. If you interact with a lot of people online, you’re eventually going to have disagreements, some of which may get ugly. And we all know, what goes online stays online for(pretty much)ever. I think you’re right Rose, it’s unfair of someone to judge you on a few bad items they find on the net.
Chris Pinto´s last blog..A kool frame riffs millennium verbs (A picture says a thousand words, hipster style)
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 1:18 am
Thanks Chris.
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 1:03 am
Everything has two sides. Every moment is not bright day. A face has its back.
I don’t fell it good to look back and block the future. What I believe is usefulness of product or creation. The person behind the creation is dead immediately after the produce is produced. Wish you best of luck and march forward.
For anybody who has gained good reputation and recolonization, it is always vulnerable. You need to manage and maintain.
Good luck. I’m on your side.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 1:17 am
Thank you! I appreciate the words of support!
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 1:21 am
Hi Rose,
You should send that quote to the blogger who refused to publish your post.
Also, after a week if he’s not going to post it, use it on another blog.
Gary Vee says that he hates reading what people write about him because it can hurt so much but he still feels you gotta do it.
The best solution will be for you to become a great blogger where your tribe defends you.
Are you planning to be a great blogger, Rose?
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 2:19 am
Gordie, I just published the post my own blog and I did send him the quote.
Yes, I’m planning to be a great blogger. Wait, I’m not already a great blogger?
lol
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 1:53 am
I wish I could say that this was uncommon, but it’s very true. People have always made sweeping judgments without any proof nor truth. The only difference is that on the net, nothing goes away.
Be brave, be strong and go on. “Get over it” as is the motto in my family. I believe in drowning out the naysayers with positive and going forward. My version of the “get over it.”
You can, too. Bloggers need to have tough skins, but they also know when to pick their battles.
Lorelle´s last blog..Annual Holiday Marathon: Best Ho, Wealth, Tech, Holiday Lights via Web, and Holiday Joy
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 2:04 am
Unfortunately, it’s typical of human behaviour to always think the worst. Though it would have been wise of that blogger to hear your side of the story. I was tempted to do a Google search to see what they found about you but you know what? It doesn’t matter. This is now. You have been nothing but supportive of me.
Davina´s last blog..This Effortless Brilliance
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 8:26 am
@Rose DesRochers:
You are to me.
Gordie´s last blog..The Success Ebook.
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 8:49 am
Rose, I did a search on your name a couple of year back, so I already knew about it.
It didn’t matter to me then and didn’t matter to me know, because the comments weren’t about the Rose I know here and the Rose that comments on my blog on occasion.
Mike Goad´s last blog..Water Lily bud with dragonfly
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:55 am
The fact that you have been a loyal reader that long means a lot to me. You’re sweet Mike.
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 9:27 am
I haven’t had problems with this. I’m not famous yet,ha,ha..
I did do a quick search on Google to see what it was about and it appeared, like you said, to be stuff from a long time ago.
Also, I have formed negative opinions of some bloggers. But if I don’t like what they say or do online I just don’t visit them.
If my opinion changes I start visiting their sites again.
It’s easy to judge people on the internet because it’s easy to read their words out of the context they are written in.
We go to someone’s site for the first time and read a post and think that is what the person is all about.
Often we are wrong.
For example if my first visit to this site happened on a day you posted Valentine’s “toys” I may think this is a sex blog.
And of course it isn’t.
If someone doesn’t want to post your article because of something they have read then I suppose it’s their choice.
But, your work stands on its merits so it’s their loss, not yours.
Glen´s last blog..Leaders and Followers
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 1:39 pm
I’m really sad to hear that Rose. But like Chris says. This blogger seems kinda childish and un-professional not to give you right of reply. We all make mistakes. You know the saying, to err is human to forgive is divine.
Any person worth their salt would first find out both sides of the story, then also take into account the time span of said writing.
Rose I feel I have come to know you a bit over the last few months. I know you do not mince you words. You are straight to the point. You and I had our run-ins, but that was quickly sorted out. I appreciated your willingness to be open as well as being able to help rectify the matter. As a result I have a greater respect for you.
I can vouch for you, if anyone is asking. Just in the short time that I have gotten to know you, I see that you have character and integrity.
Robert Bravery´s last blog..Do unto others
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 1:44 pm
Robert, our run-in can be chalked up to your faulty plugin and a bunch of emails getting lost. It was neither your or my fault. It was just one of those things that happened. We worked it out and moved past it. I’m glad we did. Thank you for your nice words.
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Sheesh, there are almost a million returns if you search for me on google. I’ve been on the internet way too long to try to sanitize my reputation, whatever it may be.
My only system is to try to think carefully before I write and I try to resist the urge to throw ad hominem into an argument — even if someone else does.
That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes or cause problems, because I’m outspoken about issues that I feel are significant. But I’m happy to apologize or change my position with new information.
Honestly, Rose, I think if everyone likes you you aren’t saying enough!
Reasonable people allow others room to grow, room to change — AND give people the benefit of the doubt.
Alison Moore Smith´s last blog..Best Beginner Cookbook
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Well my friend that’s terrible.
I’m very sorry Rose.
The fact that he refused to publish your post only shows that he is a very narrow minded individual.
I’m known you a long time and you know I’m here to support you.
Steve
((HUGS))
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 7:32 pm
That’s really sucky that you had to put up with that kind of response. I really pisses me off when people form opinions about others based on hearsay.
The blogger in question should have at least given you the opportunity to defend your position.
I, for one, am delighted to know you Rose – regardless of what other people write about you. You’re welcome to post on my blog *anytime*.
Josh´s last blog..Setting Up My Web Design Mini Business [Case Study]
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Why thank you Josh. I make just take you up on that offer.
Rose
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 8:27 pm
How narrow-minded! I have read many disparaging things about many people, but do try to see both sides. Even after I have seen both sides I remember the old saying – ‘There are 3 sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth”.
Shake it off and keep on keeping on.
Anne´s last blog..Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Planning to do just that Anne. I just needed a place to vent.
Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Hi Rose,
I don’t think I’ve ever had anything written bad about me online. Well not yet anyways. I will also work hard towards keeping it that way.
Thanks so much for quoting me I think ti’s great advice. We all have to move on.
I don’t think ti;s even possible to “clear” up everything about yourself online. Come on give me a break it’s impossible.
To get denied a guest post for this reason is ridiculous. sorry about your back luck.
Brian
bbrian017´s last blog..Being Productive When Your Blog Site is Down
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 9:05 pm
My luck is actually looking up. Thanks for dropping by. I know you are a busy guy.
Wrote: Feb 2, 2010 at 9:43 am
They really should have heard your side of the story. There are always two sides and come on really whatever it was it was quite a few years ago and does it matter anyways. You are good in my book
We all have skeletons in our closet and even heels. Wait I dont have heels in my closet. Well maybe I do but they are my wifes and they don’t fit. Really they don’t fit. Wait I am digging a hole you got a shovel?
Jim Hardin´s last blog..Toasty S’more Post
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:13 am
You’re really starting to frighten me Jim. lol
Wrote: Feb 2, 2010 at 4:53 pm
You post reminds me of a story about Abraham Lincoln. He was asked what he thought about someone and gave a glowing review. The questioner said “Do you know that says bad things about you.” President Lincoln said “You asked of my opinion on him, not his opinion of me.”
For the record I think the blogger who refused to use your post was a little too controlling. If you post was good and well written and of value to the reader than use it. It doesn’t matter what one person thinks of you.
Ned Carey´s last blog..2010 Baltimore City Tax Sale Announced
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 1:53 am
Ned, you’re right. You don’t judge a book based on what someone thinks of the author. He shouldn’t have judged me based on my writing, not on someone’s opinion of me.
Wrote: Feb 3, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Hey, Rose…couple of thoughts…really, I could do a whole post on this! And then some! An awful lot of people in this world, as I find it, let themselves be easily negatively influenced without doing their homework. And, they WANT to be negatively influenced, it often seems! Rare is the person who looks for the good, or even tries…or, looks for the whole story.
I don’t think you’re into ‘religion’, but, you may find it helpful to know that the Scriptures tell us to watch out if no one ever says anything negative about us – bad press can be a sign we’re doing some things right…
Christina´s last blog..and Again…Guantanamo
Wrote: Feb 3, 2010 at 10:42 pm
That’s a shame, Rose. Heck, you ever want to write a guest post for my blog, you’re more than welcome.
I don’t think there’s anything bad written about me anywhere. Truthfully, I don’t know why there would be anything, but I’m sure it could happen at some point. However, I tend to believe that the volume of work I’ve done, the positive comments I’ve received, and a heck of a lot of friends both online and offline would outweigh any potentially negative thing that might come one day.
We put ourselves out here on the blogosphere, and if we’re honest we know that not everyone is going to like what we have to say. Sometimes we have to do a crack-back block on someone who acts inappropriately, adn they may retaliate. That says more about them than it does about us. I judge people for the most part by how they’ve interacted with me; for the most part, that is.
Mitch´s last blog..Content Is An Electronic Emperor
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 1:50 am
Aww Mitch, thank you for the offer.
Wrote: Feb 4, 2010 at 7:16 am
OK, a bit off topic, my current post, and it’s largely because of you: http://rogerowengreen.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-jerk.html
Roger Green´s last blog..What a Jerk
Wrote: Feb 4, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Aww but you look so innocent btw I just read a 4 yr old post “Rose DesRochers wants to give you $10.000.000.00″ Hilarous!
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Innocent? Ha!
Wrote: Feb 4, 2010 at 11:12 pm
Sometimes you have to hope that grownups will choose to make decisions based upon their own interaction and not solely upon things they hear from around the net.
Jack´s last blog..A Restaurant Surprise
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Not everyone acts like a grownup Jack.
Wrote: Feb 5, 2010 at 12:52 am
I’m curious as to how he was expecting you to clean up your reputation on the whole internet? Was he hoping you would write a post apologizing about the whole thing and that the people who didn’t like you (for whatever reason) would read it, forgive you, and then write about how wonderful you are?
My family also has the ‘get over it’ motto, but it sounds more like this blogger needs to get over it! I like the three sides to every story quote. My husband says something like that to our girls pretty much every time they come up to us tattling.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
I guess maybe he was. I don’t think them writing glorious reviews about me. lol