My daughter is 17 and still lives at home, though that may change soon. Who knows! She has had her share of relationships. Each guy being her emotional rebound guy who helps her get over her last failed relationship.
Once again she has gotten involved with a guy who I think is no good for her. I of course have voiced my opinion and she feels that I should just stop butting into her love life. I thought I was helping, but over the weekend I learned that I was doing more damage than good. So, I am going to just zip my lip and pray that she will eventually see the light about him.
I care about my daughter a great deal and I know at times I’m a little too over protecting. I just don’t want to see her get hurt. Those of you who are parents know what I’m talking about. It is just so hard to let go.
I think sometimes we tend to try and protect our children so much that we don’t realize that some lessons in life they need to learn on their own. I know that it is time for me to trust and let go. The worst part of motherhood is the realization that she is no longer a little girl.
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13 responses so far ↓
Sy
// Mar 26, 2008 at 6:57 am
When you learn how to do it, drop me an email. Put in bullet points as to the things you did. Once I have it, for the next 17 years I will read it daily….probably only to realise it will never happen for me and when my daughter is 30, I will still be interviewing boyfriends or even her husband on a daily basis in a dark room with a bright light in their face.
Erin
// Mar 26, 2008 at 1:36 pm
My mom had a really hard time when she first met my husband (she met him when we first started dating). She told me how she felt, and I took it into consideration. After a little while, she got know him and now she loves him.
The best thing (but certainly not the easiest) is to step back and let her live her life, and always be there for her when she needs you. That’s what my mom has done for me, and that’s what I plan on doing for my daughter when the time comes.
Gareth
// Mar 26, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Rose, I know what you mean. You don’t want to see anyone you love get hurt.
Seeing my daughter, who is nearly 3, reduced to tears because the girl next door, who only comes round when she’s got no-one else to play with, runs off when her back is turned cos she’s seen someone else to play with, can be so hard.
You’ve got to give them some freedom to experience life. They can’t be wrapped up in cotton wool forever. But it can be so heartbreaking seeing them hurt.
Rose DesRochers
// Mar 26, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Gareth, as a father I wonder how you will be when she is 17.
Gareth
// Mar 27, 2008 at 2:58 am
Been thinking about that!
I can imagine myself sitting down with my daughter’s boyfriend and giving him “the talk”, “You hurt my little girl, and …..”
I have always said to myself that I wouldn’t be like that, but until it happens I can’t really imagine what I’ll do.
All I want her to do is to live her life to the full. Won’t stop me worrying though.
Roger Green
// Mar 27, 2008 at 9:58 am
My girl’s 4. Can’t wait…
Rose DesRochers
// Mar 27, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Gareth, boys today are different. I use to think like you did when she was 3. I hope you and I are still talking 13 years from now.
Pinky
// Mar 27, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Oh do I know what you mean Rose!
I have 2 daughters nearly 21 & soon to be 17
Worrying is a constant that’s for sure.
My eldest hasn’t had the best of luck with guys… actually the worst. I don’t know why she can’t find good ones. I guess because she is so shy.
My youngest has been dating the same guy for over a year. He’s a really good kid and too afraid to do anything that would hurt her lol
The first day we met him, we grilled him big time! Poor guy I still feel sorry for him for that one
In the end we really don’t have much say in who they date anyway, we just have to be there for them and bite our tongues.
Gareth
// Mar 28, 2008 at 3:08 am
@Rose, If we are still talking I’ll definitely let you know how its gone
Marcia
// Mar 29, 2008 at 8:33 pm
It stays in your heart, but you are right, too much protecting and it backfires big time. Our son is 30 now…once in a while he still asks for advice, but we have always tried to let him make his own decisions…
Ananya
// Mar 30, 2008 at 6:24 am
Rose, your culture is totally different from mine.In my culture dating is considered a taboo and any girl who sat next to a guy is not considered a virgin! )well the second part is not an exageration)
Every mom protects their daughters from men in particular…
Things are changing a bit o’er here. People are getting used to the matter of dating and the likes, but all that is agreeable only after the age of 21…before that you are still kids supported by your parents. But I guess in a way that saves us from a lot of tricky situations and not having to handle with heart breaks at a young age!
I know your concern. Wanting to protect your babies is a motherly instinct!:) You are a great mother too.
Erin
// Apr 5, 2008 at 10:35 pm
What Gareth said reminded me of what my husband told me even before we had our girls. He and I collect swords (we keep them in display cases until our daughters are older), and he told me that he was planning on meeting the boyfriends while sitting on the couch sharpening one of his swords
. I promptly told him that I would meet the boyfriends first and if I liked them, I would warn them about my husband. If I didn’t like them, there would be no warning! 
We still have several years before we have to worry about boyfriends (our oldest is 4 and our youngest is 3 months), for which I am very grateful!
David
// Apr 7, 2008 at 7:26 am
What ananya said is a wee bit true… The culture here is sometimes quite a pain…but at the same time there is a part of the entire country which is breaking free from the past and moving forward.
What is sad, however is that with every step taken forward, there are people butting in to curb it as well..
well, things take time i guess.
cheers
D
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