Depression is a disease that can be devastating to all areas of a person’s life. I suffer from depression. I was diagnosed with depression ten years ago.
I am on antidepressants and I noticed some side effects of the drug such as weight gain and memory loss. I lose my train of thought and sometimes I use the wrong word and know it, but can’t remember the correct one.
What was I going to say? “Wink”
I try to deal with the side effects with a sense of humor, but it is frustrating when you can’t remember how some of the simplest words are spelled.
I thought I was crazy until I read a website where others stated that they were having the same side effects while being on the same drug.
I should really call my friend who is a nurse and talk to her about this.
It is so difficult to have this problem, because some people just don’t understand it.
I tried to quit the medication, which you can’t do cold turkey. The side effects were much worse, so I’m back on it.
The train of though loss and using the wrong word when you know the right word to use it is a real pain especially when you’re a writer.
It makes it look as though English is not my first language.
I also noticed that at times people are quick to judge me not knowing I suffer from depression and then there are those who judge me knowing I do.
I’m sure some will even judge me knowing that I take antidepressants, but depression is a disease that real people die from every day.
If I didn’t take medication, I would be far worse.
Maybe you don’t understand that and maybe you are already judging me. You don’t have to get it though. It is my understanding and my willingness to do something about the depression that matters.
The medication I’m on has helped my depression. I do have my good days and my bad. My family is very supportive and for that I’m thankful.
Do you suffer from depression?
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17 responses so far ↓
Steve Feldkamp
// Apr 7, 2007 at 6:30 pm
I too have the same symptoms, “side effects”?
I have been on and off antidepressants for over 20 years. I have tried many and have been on the current one for about the last 6 years and plan to continue as long as it seems to work for my depression. I often find myself having to pause, for what seems to be forever during a conversation, searching for the next word. I’m 56 and often wonder if I have early alzheimer’s. I often feel very unsocialble because of my lake of confidence of being able to contribute to the topic by not knowing the correct discribtive terms, which seem to be the most forgetten words. I think depression still has a negitive stimga with most people that don’t have it or understand it if they do. I don’t know the answer to changing that. Fear and denial is the reason most people won’t even consider depression as a disease and not a mental defect. Thanks….
Dwayne
// Apr 7, 2007 at 7:10 pm
I have never been diagnosed with depression. Although I have had a very stressfull time the past year. But I have been able to deal with it in a positive way.
I really hate that people would even think about judging you because of that. If you had never told me, I never would have thought it. You seem to be such a honest and intellegent person. You have you point of view on things and that is a good thing.
Viola Jaynes
// Apr 7, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Rose, this post is very important because so many people still don’t talk about their depressions and are ashamed to admit to anyone that they have this disease. I am so sorry that you are suffering in this way. No one should judge another person when they are obviously trying to help themselves.
I’ve suffered from depression almost most of my life. Sometimes I think it was more severe than what I even really realized. Looking back on it, I simply did’nt know what to do about it and so I just suffered silently. I truly wish you well and I hope the side affects will not hinder you from your creative outlet of writing poems and stories.
This Eclectic Life
// Apr 9, 2007 at 6:13 am
It’s a shame that there is still a stigma to having depression. People say, “Snap out of it.” Those are the people who don’t understand it at all. Sometimes I think that the people who are the most creative are the ones who suffer depression. I wonder why that would be?
Peri
// Apr 9, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I suffer from cyclical clinical depression. This is a brain chemical imbalance, not an emotional or intellectual issue. The effects are the same, although I tend to get a lot more of the ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ lines than I would if I could present real, acutal and understandable life problems. I take seretonin re-uptake inhibitors but I don’t have to take them all the time. The problem is that it happens slowly - I didn’t used to notice what was happening, instead blaming it on what a loser I was, what a waste of a life I was, etc. I’m better now at recognizing my state of mind for what it is and for that I’m grateful. I do regret the years of my life I lost to these bad feelings when I didn’t know enough to see a doctor, and the people I used to know and love but slipped away from me into the abyss.
There are people who are close to me who don’t feel that this is a legitmate illness. Because they love me they mostly hold their tongue but I have been told to ‘get over it’ and other things like that. I wish it was that easy.
This condition makes me feel stupid and weak and sometimes that just makes things worse. The example you give of using the wrong words or spelling is just perfect. This can be a real problem and I have become extremely anal about checking my spelling, my grammar, my usage. There are people who will beat you with those mistakes and use them as a reason to disregard what you say or make it irrelevent.
I think that people who have experienced this or who truly believe that other people do suffer are, for the most part, more gentle people when they deal with others. This is a positive effect that I appreciate in myself and in those who give me a break, talk to me like I’m ok and can see beyond those little kinks.
Chris
// Apr 9, 2007 at 2:37 pm
Yep, I was diagnosed quite some time ago too. Depression is a nasy disease, and anyone that has it, or has had to deal with someone first hand understand. You are ok, and whom ever is giving you a hard time about it, all I can say to that is … No one is perfect, on’t we all have little kinks of some sort or another?
The memory loss sucks, but I am a crazy person without my meds. I’m not ashamed, and just don’t give a hoot what people think. Your health… mental & physical must come first.
Steve
// Apr 9, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Peri….”I suffer from cyclical clinical depression. This is a brain chemical imbalance, not an emotional or intellectual issue. ”
This is why the antidepressants work, to improve the chemical imbalance. Too bad they can’t “Fix” them for good. I have found that if I wait till I think in need the pills, it’s usually too late and I have over reacted to a situation and then I have to go back and fix that. That’s why, now that I have found one that works, I take them every day. I sometimes can tell if I just miss my noon dose. I try to take the judements of others who don’t understand lightly and go on with my life.
Steve F.
David
// Apr 10, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I havent read the other comments, but this is what i think about depression.
Its something that everyone goes through. For some, it explodes as frustration, while some keep it in them until a time when it reverses its action and makes a person act really not himself/herself.
More than pills/drugs, what a person truly needs is love, recognition.. depression is the cause of being neglected, being left all alone to find out how life can truly ruin one’s dreams and aspirations.. If a person has been going through such a stage from a very young age it develops into this so called depression when hes/she grows older.
There’s a saying.. cut the weed when its young.. I think identifying the weed in our lives and finding ways to chop it is the best way that we can overcome lots of issues within us..BUT this cannot be done alone. We will need that extra arm around us to help us pull through.
D
Rose DesRochers
// Apr 12, 2007 at 12:53 am
David, I disagree with you. Depression is a medical condition. It is an illness that can affect the way a person feels not only about themselves, but life. It is not something that can just be hugged away. It is not a sign of weakness either.
Rose DesRochers
// Apr 12, 2007 at 12:58 am
Chris, good for you. It is good to know I am not alone. Some days are better than others. Do you have mood swings?
Rose DesRochers
// Apr 12, 2007 at 1:01 am
Peri, I understand just where you are coming from. I am on medication and it helps, but I still have my bad days. The funny thing is when I was diagnosed with depression I did not even know that I was depressed. Any time that you want to talk, I’m here.
Rose DesRochers
// Apr 12, 2007 at 1:14 am
Steve, thank you for dropping by my blog and sharing your story with us. It would be nice if there was a permanent cure.
fran
// Jul 24, 2008 at 10:08 pm
i’d just like to say thank you … ive been so worried about everything you’ve written above i though i was losing my mind well apart from the depression and anxiety
my memory loss is horrible and im always getting in trouble for not remembering certain simple things … im on effexor and did try to come off it like you said but the withdrawals are worse than taking them ,, you’ve made me alot happier knowing somone is going through the same thing ,,, thanks so much
fran
// Jul 24, 2008 at 10:14 pm
also like to say that im on xanax aswell and ive just recently had to move out of a group house ( im 26 and have been on antidepressents since i was 15 ) cause they were all ” why are you so out of it … what drugs are you on .. why are you so “F” up all the time .. its hard to explain when you dont even know your slef half the reasons you are like you are .,. and as a woman at the top there said ,, people ask why are you depressed you have nothing to be depressed about … well i am damn it so get over it … and for all you struggling with friends and families that dont understans their are some great books they can read … they still might not get it but hey … either do we half the time .. thanks so much for this site
Liz
// Jul 29, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I can really understand what you were going through. I suffer from depression the last 5 years, but never had the heart to see a doctor.
I really did read a lot of books about this topic and I have the same problems with memory loss as you do, but I never took any medication!
The books I read about depression (4 or 5) all say that it is naturally that patients have a reduced retentivity because of the high cortisol level and has nothing to do with medication.
So, as I experienced, memory loss definitely appears too without drugs (I’m not a pharmacist that I can state if it’s possible as side effect or not)
CL
// Aug 5, 2008 at 7:57 pm
This is interesting. Thanks for stating your opinions. I have recently come across the memory loss thing, although I’ve been on anti-depressants on and off for almost 13 years. I used to pride myself on my fairly extensive vocabulary and in the past year, it has seemingly disappeared. I’ll be in a meeting wanting to add something profound and the words I want to say disappear! I’ve always had kind of a crappy long-term memory, but my short-term has gotten much worse as well. I’m just beginning to research on this new realization.
I do want to add that those of you who haven’t looked into other alternatives to medications, (such as exercise, yoga, meditation, decreasing stress in your life…) haven’t given themselves a fair chance. Not everyone has “clinical” depression and I think that is what is confusing about depression. In fact, I think that only you can decide which one you have. The guy that said something about chopping down a weed when it’s young had a good point. Sometimes the roots come from events or experiences or memories, and sometimes they come from an unknown source deep inside your brain.
Thanks.
emily
// Nov 13, 2008 at 1:06 am
Hi, my name is Emily and I am 18 years old. I was diagnosed with severe depression six months ago. it’ s a relief to know that i’m not the only one expiriencing these kinds of side effects. Since I started taking my medication, my memory has suffered severely. It’s gotten to the point where i can set my keys down in my room, and have no idea where they went two minutes later. This happens every day, often many times a day. I find it extremely difficult to remember names, dates, and the spellings of words, too. A lot of my friends don’t understand, and I feel stupid and weak because of it. It’s so frustrating. The other day, i couldn’t even remember my home phone number. Thank you for posting this.
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