12 responses so far ↓

• Michelle // Jan 30, 2007 at 6:18 pm

  Thanks for sharing your story with me today on my “don’t you hate it when” post!

  Excellent question too! It always about why the woman doesn’t leave, but you are so right in why doesn’t anyone ask why the man does it in the first place.

  I used to be one of those who would wonder and ask why a woman would stay. I always said the first time a man put his hand on me like that I was out of there.

  Then I became one of those women, and found out why women do stay. It’s simply not easy to leave and until you’re in that exact situation you just don’t know.

  Thankfully I did finally leave though and am now very happily married to a wonderful man!

• Sioux // Jan 30, 2007 at 6:22 pm

  Yep, Rose, that’s a good question. Two of my daughters have been in abusive situations, and one still is. But WHY is he being abusive…it’s primarily verbal, as he is a drug abuser, but still he is so very mean to her! It seems to me those quys are never made accountable! Or not often!!

  Good question.

• Sioux // Jan 30, 2007 at 6:23 pm

  BTW, my mother’s name was Rose.

• Tammy // Jan 30, 2007 at 6:31 pm

  Yep…either way it is tragic!!:sad:

• Delia // Jan 30, 2007 at 6:48 pm

  Amen!

  I believe the question you proposed should be asked long before the other one! More of the blame should be placed on the abuser and not the abused.

• Evan // Jan 30, 2007 at 7:02 pm

  Theres a range of reasons as to why some men are predisposed to using violence whilst most men in the same situation would not - however the bottom line is - men who use violence do so out of fear/insecurity. Not fear for their own physical safety - but fear that they may lose her. hence why they attempt to control her with initimidation or force. The irony is that they generally end up driving her away with their abusive behaviour.

  There is hope however - the man can go to a Batterers Intervention program and change - it really works!

• Rose DesRochers // Jan 30, 2007 at 9:17 pm

  Evan, you certainly have the right to your opinion, but I don’t believe it. I was the victim of abuse.

  He would beat me when he came home drunk and blame it on the drinking yet he beat me when he was sober. One reason that men continue to abuse is because no one intervenes & because they gets away with it. All forms of abuse are expressions of power and control.

  Tammy and Delia research has shown that one in ten women are abused by their partner. Twenty percent of victims murdered are women killed by their spouse’s. Sad isn’t it?

  Sioux, I’m sorry to hear that. I do hope that your daughter will get out of that unhealthy relationship. The fact that he uses drugs has no factor on his abusing her. Even without the drugs he would abuse her. Just while on drugs he is most likely even more violet.

• Viola J. // Jan 30, 2007 at 11:53 pm

  Very good question. However, I’ve known three relationships where women were the abusers and the husband stayed. Would they be staying for the same reasons as women in an abusive relationship.
  Something to think about.

• Marcia // Jan 31, 2007 at 4:12 pm

  I think both questions deserve equal time. . .

• wendy // Jan 31, 2007 at 10:09 pm

  Excellent question! Now if we could just get our society as a whole to recognize the issue. The reasons why victims remain in the relationship are far to many and involved for me to go into here, however there are not strict enough consequences for the abusers and in my opinion, batterers intervention programs are not the answer. These programs will only work if the batterer truly recognizes their problem and want to change their behavior. Mandated a batterer to a program, when they believe they are entitled to abuser their partner, will not be the magic fix many believe it is.

• Rob // Feb 5, 2007 at 7:52 pm

  Coming the male perspective - and having been raised by a single mom who was abused to some extent - my question is a bit different…

  I wonder why women will tolerate physical abuse and not retaliate. I don’t care how big the man is, a cast-iron skillet trumps a fist any day. Answering violence with violence may not solve the problem, but it could certainly serve as a powerful deterrent to future acts of physical abuse…

• Rose DesRochers // Feb 5, 2007 at 8:19 pm

  Rob, being the survivor of abuse I can tell you that I did fight back. The more I fought back the more violent he became. I’m guessing that you did not read my post ‘Dealing with Bullying, Emotional and Physical Abuse.’

  Again maybe you should be asking why the men abused your mother?

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